I'm not disenchanted with my blog at all, but the thought of logging in and dealing with online things makes me run the other way. Even simple things that I used to do like being active on Twitter or replying to emails seem unappealing now. I've been like this for about a month. I just don't want to deal with anything. Simple things give me anxiety and stress. I know the reason behind it and have been trying to address it, but it's a new transitional period so it's hard and confusing. I believe I mentioned in passing once that my boyfriend is in the Navy and that I was nervous for his upcoming deployment. Well, deployment date came and went. He is already gone and is 1.5 months into his 7 month deployment. I talked to other military significant others through email and read a gazillion military spouse/girlfriend blogs while trying to "prepare" myself. They all said the first deployment was the worst and had some great words of encouragement and advice. The first few weeks were honestly fine. I was sad, worried, and really missed him since I was accustomed to talking to him multiple times a day, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. However, some weeks ago a shipmate in my boyfriend's boat passed away. It made me even more worried about his emotional well-being and state of mind. Also, it put horrible thoughts in my head like: what if it had been him? Military service members die every year. It's an ever present possibility that people force themselves not to think about (you have to or else you would experience anxiety all day) but events like this remind you of it. What if the last communication you have with your significant other is a measly email? And since his deployment is around Africa, that's pretty much all we get most of the time (monitored emails). To make matters worse, about a week after the shipmate's passing a member of my boyfriend's family passed away tragically and suddenly. He is not able to return home on emergency leave so he and his family have to grieve separately.
My friends and family have been great, but I've been really distracted in general. I've done a lot to keep myself busy with school and other things but have also been really bummed out about not having a part-time job. I was working steadily since August of last year but have been jobless for a months now. I've been on the lookout for a new part-time job but have very limited options. Since I switched majors at university, I've been trying to play catch up and enroll in as many courses per semester as I can. That leaves very little free time for a job. Needless to say, I've had to cut back on my spending a lot. Which brings me to the blog related update in this post. Recently, I've accepted more sponsored posts than I would like because I have been trying to save up money to purchase plane tickets to visit my best friends and enjoy a much needed vacation. (P.S. By the time this post goes live, I'll probably already be on holiday. You can see holiday pics on my Instagram in the next couple of days.) I've never been the type of person to accept every offer that comes along just so I can make a quick buck off my blog. Sadly, it's my only possible source of income right now. Still, it's not how I would normally run my blog so it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Don't worry, I'm very adamant about disclosures so you can skip those sponsored posts if you prefer.
My intention was not to be mopey, make excuses or gather sympathy with this post. It hasn't all been negative and I'm grateful for a lot of things in my life right now: my health, my family, my friends, the fact that I'm getting good grades at school, the fact that after being terrified of driving and without a car for years I am now finally driving, etc. And I know military members and significant others willingly signed up for it so I "shouldn't" complain. At least I've been having a lot of fun preparing care packages (trying to find a bright side). I'm also very glad for all the positivity and support I've seen in the beauty blogging community and from my readers. Thank you! Writing this was quite therapeutic.
Have a lovely day, all! If you managed to read the entire thing then you're pretty great. If you are going through hard times then I hope it all looks up for you soon. :) Also, since I've been able to make such a big dent in my blog to-do list, I'd love to take in requests from you. They can be anything: a makeup look, a review, etc. Leave them in the comments.